James "Rhio" O'Connor Memorial Scholarship Essay Contest
(essay submission by June Blalock Furr)
It was a cold February morning as I left the hospital confronted by the sharp wind biting my face. It was Valentines Day fifteen years ago. The tears stung my eyes and the thoughts raced through my head. The doubts and the regrets seeped in the crack of my foundation. The thoughts of my father laying there struggling, gurgling, and gasping for breath with nothing any of us could do but just watch him fight to survive as he stumbled out of this world shook my very being. My mind raced through the last year looking for answers and clues. Everyone had assured me he was ok, that the treatments were working, that he was not in danger, and I just believed it because it was what I wanted to hear. When they called me to the hospital the night before I was so confused. I had no idea what was ahead. Why the hurry, its just another treatment, right? I knew something was up the very minute I walked through his hospital room door. Everyone was there. He smiled at me and said I need to talk to you. Still trying to protect me from pain.
He fought the whole nightlong. I held his hand as he finally gave up. He fought a brave fight through lung cancer for a year any a half taking on any and every treatment that he was offered He was only 52 years old and at the end he looked like a man in his seventies. How was I so blind? My parents raised me to never question them so I did not, and I have regretted this every day since I watched him die. It was my first experience with cancer and dying and I guess I was naïve and trusting. As I left the hospital that morning I made a vow to test destiny at every turn. I vowed to myself to never stand before someone I love and not be positive that I had exhausted every shred of hope. My parents were not Internet savvy and they knew little about research. I only knew a little bit more but had I knew what was ahead I would have launched a tireless search. It is so foolish to just allow fate to decide. I guess what everyone said about hindsight is really true.
I cannot give my father the chance to fight that battle again. Oh how I wish I could. I promise you it would be so different this time. I am a different person. I can’t say that we would win but I can say that we would have been so much more informed. If I had this to do over again I would begin with emailing and contacting experts from the diagnosis in person, on the phone; whatever it takes. I would put together an organized bulleted list of targets for information and follow them through the outline. I would attack this research the way I do a research paper and prepare a plan of attack and follow it through. I admire Mr. O’Conner so much because he understood that this is the battle that you must wage for survival. He got it; he didn’t lie down and die. He was a warrior. He had it all figured out. When I think of how many people put their entire life in the hands of a few people I am floored. This is your life and it is worthy of the battle. The juice is worth the squeeze. You have to think outside of the box and try every kooky. New wave approach that is available because you never know when it will be just the right thing and I promise you that the alternative is not what you want.
My entire world has changed since that horrible night and I don’t just take bad news in life at someone’s words. I research and I arm myself with information to do the battle justice. I attack everything that way and I find myself in very few situations of regret and hopelessness like that valentine’s morning that my father died. Here I am in college at 47 years old and I am literally living out of the box. I have learned so much and there is no turning back for me because I am the master and commander of my own ship these days. My thinking out of the box has taken some prisoners as I have helped my daughter significantly improved her disability through research. Currently I am writing a curriculum for 1st grade math called Dance the Math. This is a program that teaches 1st graders to work out equations through dance steps. The list goes on and on as I am changing my world and the world around me outside the box and all I can do is smile because I know daddy would be so proud of me.
Question: Why is there no class in community college that teaches you to be proactive about diagnosis? I think the time has come to teach people to get involved in their survival.
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June Blalock Furr
Hey June- It is a beautiful essay and tugs at my heart strings cos at one point of time not very long ago I also saw my parents battle it out. They sustained burn injuries in a fire accident. The injuries were fatal, in the range from 35 percent to 45 percent. Sadly, the medical facilities back in India are still not equipped to handle those kind of injuries but then in the first 24 hours after the accident, they were refused medical treatment. There are some stupid laws which prescribe that one should file a report with the Police and then only the private run hospitals provide treatment. So they suffered for a day in a dingy government hospital in India. Govt run hospitals are extremely shabby but they cannot refuse treatment to anyone. Inspite of me having the funds that were needed to provide them treatment, they were refused medical care. I saw them dying and four years later I'm older and I guess wiser but I still cannot do away with the images of my father convulsing into death as I stood helplessly. I'm here in SC (east coast US now) and wonder whether things could have been different! Well written essay my friend!
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